Just For Fun: Silly Election Predictions

While we steamroll ahead to the summer months, most of us will be thinking about whether or not our shorts still fit from last year, where can we go camping and what kind of weird fruit beer will Bud Lite toss into our laps.

Country music will run rampant and everyone will enjoy a “Barefoot blue jean night, under the stars because were Runnin’ outta moonlight, Drinking beer with your toes in the water and ass in the sand until I hit my Tip-tip-tippin’ point, While sippin’ on sweet tea… (Country fans will get this).

While this may be underway, others might be thinking about their campaign to run for Mayor or Council.

Here are my fun and lighthearted predictions. (This is purely for fun and by no means has anyone indicated this to me.)

Steve will go on another Bender and run for a spot on council.

The Larson last name will be all over billboards and window displays. Alongside it; a picture of Patti for President. That’s right, Patti is so lovable we re-dub the title of Mayor to President just for her.

Crusty Curmudgeon Mo Gadbois will grunt and groan about all who is running and then last minute toss his name into the hat for Mayor. The sign will read “What do you Mo?”

There will be a sign on the boulevard all summer that says “Vote Popplewell!”… but with no first name…Everyone will wonder.. “Is it Judd? Or John? Maybe Dianne? Is Brian even here anymore?”

For that matter, their will be a sign beside it that says “Vote Bafaro! with no first name leaving the locals even more confused. “Isn’t there like a thousand of them around?”

A perfect stranger will move to town and run for council. His name will be all over social media: Evan Davids for Council. David Evans will receive texts and phone calls all summer long with inquiring minds.

A billboard of Cheryl  holding a frying pan with a big bright smile. Fry for Council!

Karen and Rick join forces and become the first married couple on council at the same time and start the buzz out of Conversations with a new sandwich board (Yes, they would get the correct paperwork done for it) that says: “Powers That Be, a vote for her is a vote for me!”

Stacie will feel the Byrne as she pounds the pavement old school and knocks on every door in town seeking a vote for Council.

Antoinette Crisanti will run for council (and get in) because every two weeks she will bake delicious Italian snacks for each meeting.

Tom Camozzi will toss his name to steal the Mayoral seat by utilizing the Dapper Don style he sports. He will have custom golf shirts made that say “T-Cozi For Mayor.”

With the biggest, brightest and most colourful campaign out of them all (he even brings a circus to town for the kids), Serge Spataro will blow everyone away when he runs for council and does it with such grandeur! “I didn’t know Serge was so loud!”

The Battersby name will make headlines on all media outlets…only this time… it will be Gwynne for Mayor!

Marco Endrizzi will run for council, but everyone will get him confused with Torino Pasceri and when he shows up for the first open house, everyone is confused.

…Probably because Torino Pasceri will also run, but Marco’s son-in-law, Jeff Clarke will draw Super Mario Bros. clothing all over Torino’s campaign billboards adding to the confusion. “So, is Mario Bros running?”

Yet another perfect stranger will move to town and run for council. This young individual will be tall, intelligent and sports a beard. By random chance his name will be Aaron Florida. 

Roberta Bobicki will show up at City Hall dressed in black with cool sunglasses alongside Walter (Who is also sporting cool Men In Black shades) and slides her application in for Mayor without saying a word. Cool as a cucumber.

Cathy Storr will NOT run for anything. Not a chance. However, she will show up to every single meeting, Town Hall and Open House and stand at the end of the table with her arms folded sporting a stern look. She will be elected even though she didn’t file paperwork, put up any signage or speak at the meetings.

Peter Bernacki won’t run but he will continue to shake every candidates hand all the while pinning a Liberal Party Pin on their sports coat without them realizing it.

Brushy the beloved RSS Accredited Facility Dog will bark for council and win by topping the polls. (I call this the Tom Hanks vote. I mean, who doesn’t like Tom Hanks!?!?)

Peter Humphreys will not run for neither council or Mayor, however, he will bark just like Brushy through the entire process. What else is new?

Finally, Aquafresh Toothpaste will donate the remaining dollars needed to complete the exciting and much anticipated Farwell Splash Park and have a big sign located at the park. No one will read the billboard correctly and everyone assumes it says AQUILINE and that the silly radio man is running for council.