I Don’t Know Jack! Life As A New Dad

They say (Whoever “they” are) that children are the most wonderful, joyful creatures imaginable.

Creatures. Agreed.

Albeit, he is pretty cute he sure knows how to make a grown man (man-child, really, lets call a spade a spade here.) noxious.

In the midst of his first stomach bug, my son was introduced to what many of us have experienced through both flu and a wild evening out at the bar and no water in the system….or bad clams, that’ll do the trick as well.

As I was holding him, bopping up and down to the Wiggles (Do the Propeller around and around…) and without warning, he opened his gullet and ejected the very food I gave him for dinner, only this time in a mush form with a relatively decent launch speed, that must have seen a red target on my face and neck. It cloaked me like a damp sweaty hug from a smelly stranger on a bus in Vancouver. There was a lot and it wasn’t pleasant at all. The second that pink goo came shooting out,  seeing his confused little face was hurtful to my grown man (child)’s heart.

Throwing up is harsh as an adult, let alone a toddler and their first experience. He looked at me like the strangest thing just happened. He looked more stunned than sick. So off to the bathroom we go for a quick tub rinse and into some “jammers” (or pajamas for those that use the correct terminology). Not two minutes after we reset ourselves, that little boy showed me the sequel, it wasn’t quite as good- but it was still decent. Like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. To the bedroom we shall go; a jumpsuit for him and sweats for Dad.

The third round. This time, I just let it all over me. I have had worse on me and self produced. What amazed me was just how detached he was from it. Down he wanted and off to the building blocks… or… broom for some reason. He really likes the broom.

It was the thickest yet wonderful vomit I have ever been gifted. Except that time in Fort Saint John I had too many wobbly pops and ended up enjoying the ER with a strange man who spoke to himself and played marbles at 3:00 am, but that story is for another day.

I would let it rain all over me for this little crusty nosed mini-monster. A family can truly fill the heart, and what comes with that is a good dose of spew.

I was granted an “I am now a Dad” moment.  That it was. Grossed out with a sunken heart yet filled with love.

This learning curve is steep, it reminds me that I still don’t know Jack!