Think there’s no separatist movement in Revelstoke… no? Think again… Rumblings at a back table in a local coffee house says there is. Revelstoke Current Adobe Photoshop illustration
It’s called the Columbia Park Secession Association. Its founder and organizer is Columbia Park resident and social activist, Maal Kahntent.
Mr. Kahntent says he has seen life in the north end, in fact, in much of Revelstoke eroding and he has decided to do something about it. Here is a quote from the CPCA manifesto: “Communities are comprised of neighbourhoods sheltering families. With the support of Revelstoke decision-makers, our residential neighbourhood is slowly becoming a commercial assembly of bunkhouses and mini-motels with itinerant workers and affluent tourists as clientele. The security and feel of neighbourhood has decreased as it becomes even more difficult for families to compete with the moneyed businesses for the homes they need.”
Wanting to separate from Revelstoke proper is nothing new. Mr. Kahntent says the time has come to do something about it. The association’s list of demands is simple and well thought out.
It wants a traffic circle where the Esso station used to be so crossing the highway on high season weekends is less dangerous.
It vows to take over the golf course and turn it into a money maker (Hahahahah), finally, therefore reducing taxes for residents.
It demands a shopping plaza at the corner of Highway 1 and Highway 23N for the convenience of Columbia Park residents and the creation of local jobs.
It plans to take over the wells at the golf course and keep the water for the immediate neighbourhood. It also plans to draw water from the Columbia River so as not to use potable water for watering lawns and washing cars. Now that’s an idea that is waaaaay overdue.
And to raise further revenue, the Columbia Park Secession Association plans to turn its side of the Trans-Canada Highway into a toll road.
This quote from the CPCA manifesto sums up the feeling of many on the ‘other’ side of the highway. “A commercial mall at Highways 23 and No. 1 would have been salvation. It would have helped to eliminate the hazardous trip through the dangerous “rat maze” at Highway No. 1 and Victoria Road. Some free-market competition would have reduced the Resort town premium prices that residents now have to pay for essentials and provide more jobs with liveable wages. Instead Revelstoke approves yet another hotel, sure to employ more itinerant workers.”
Mr. Kahntent says the CPCA is small in numbers at the moment, approximately 1, with another potential devotee thinking seriously of joining up. Kahntent says, ” That’s a fifty percent increase already. Didn’t the Russian revolution start with a conversation in a coffee house?”
What to call the new community? How about DAMTOWN? The highway sign would read, WELCOME TO THE BEST DAMTOWN IN THE WEST.
A final thought from the head of this populist movement, “Revelstoke doesn’t make decisions for families and residents. Its future is to become another empty shell seasonally populated in waves by itinerant workers and tourists. Like Whistler.
Time to make our own decisions.”
If you are sympathetic to this cause contact Mr. Maal Kahntent at 555-555-5555. Or email firstname.lastname@example.org. Please cc this column and City Council with any comments.
Yours in social sarcasm,
Ms. Anne Throap
Pet peeve of the month: Snow. Now that I don’t ski anymore getting older has become a downhill sport. On that happy note, enjoy the start of the festive season.