Once again the buttons on the Great One’s vest are popping. As an amateur psychic he has managed to keep his record for predictions for Revelstoke proudly intact. Not a single one, from last year, has come true. (Pause for a standing ovation) Thank you. Thank you. Now, sit down, please.
The Great Bendinni will now adorn his cranium with the magic Turban of Truth and present this year’s top ten predictions for 2016:
- A feature movie will be filmed in Revelstoke about the great people’s movement and the highway mall. It will be made by the same filmmaker who shot Mountain Men here.
However, it will not be released. Distributors will say it looks like it was made in too big a hurry.
- Two traffic roundabouts will be built at each end of Victoria Road but they will fail to relieve traffic jams on long weekends.
To the rescue will come the Roe brothers who will turn them into a gigantic water slide that will draw thousands of tourists into the downtown.
- The new Star Wars flick will come to The Roxy by 2019.
- After the Great Highway Mall Controversy it will be determined that The Current holds the record for the greatest number of letters to the editor in all of Canada. Next year, with the help of River Spirit, it will be for the universe. No specific controversy required.
- Since the Visual Arts Society displayed a toilet filled with trinkets this year and called it art, next year there will be a urinal on display filled with flowers, peonies of course, and will be called, Leakage From Our Town. The flowers will be donated by Walmart.
- Former Mayor David Raven will run for MLA first chance he gets, bouncing off the precedent Mark McKee established when he left municipal politics the first time, for an unsuccessful shot at a seat in the Legislature. Raven will be heard to mutter, “Thanks Mark. Now I know how not to do it. Have you heard of a way to beat Norm MacDonald?”
- The Big Eddy will finally get their new water system. To celebrate they will erect a naked bronze statue of the Revelstoke Mayor in office when the project is completed.
Oh yes, and the statue will be peeing in a basin like that famous fountain in Brussels, Manneken Pis.
George Buhler will be heard to grumble, “Big deal. That’s what the city has been doing on us for years.”
- The 2016 Axis Mundi (Axis Muddy) Festival will be staged in downtown Revelstoke just as soon as the City erects a large dome, with retractable roof, over MacKenzie Avenue from Victoria to Second Street. Hey! It works for Vegas.
Construction starts soon after a plebiscite is held on the issue, to determine whether you, the taxpayer will pay for it. On second premonition, make that by 2116.
- You’ve been asking about the golf course. I have good news. A developer will buy it and change it into a casino/entertainment venue as soon as council adjusts the zoning. Done deal. What could go wrong?
- The province and Ottawa will announce that the Trans-Canada Highway will finally be four-laned.. But… routed around Revelstoke. The main Columbia River Bridge will be downloaded to the City lucky you) but the traffic jams will cease and Columbia Park citizens will find it easier to cross, the now, Service Road.
Ah ha! I know it by ESP. Well, you’ll get your four lanes. You get what you wish for!
Bendinni must now remove the magic Turban of Truth and store it in it’s crystal sarcophagus in the Himalayan Mountains.
Have a great year and be good to each other. I will be tapping into your psyche from time to time. You can run but you can’t hide.
The Great Bendinni
All-Seeing Guru of Everything Incorrect