Fazeboox? Fazeboox? We don' need no steenking Fazeboox!

Ms. Anne Throap
Ms. Anne Throap

I joined Facebook a few months ago. What a pathetic collection of emotionally bankrupt befrets. Cut to the chase. Pics. of your kids. News Flash. The only one who gives a rat’s following end about them is you, and, maybe the grandparents. What do you think the clichés, that’s nice, that’s cute, and how sweet, actually mean? Baby shots are the worst. Face it. They all look the same but, of course, yours doesn’t. Right. I don’t need to see one more pic of baby Biffy with chocolate birthday cake schmeered all over his pouting face.
I’m always amused at how surprised infants can look for the camera. It’s probably because they can’t believe how ridiculous their parents are being.
According a CBS study, the Top Five topics on Facebook for 2014 were: the World Cup of Soccer, Ebola, presidential elections in Brazil, Robin Williams and The Ice Bucket Challenge. As much as we North American like to think we are center of the universe, let’s remember that 80 percent of Facebook users live in other parts of the world,… shocking ain’t it.
Cats, cats and more cats. If you have to live by convincing others that your cat loves you, get a litter box for yourself and jump in. Cats don’t love anybody. They are simply indifferent. Dogs?… they’s marginally better subjects than felines.
You want excitement for a pet picture? Put a python in the same cage with your gerbil! Studies and polls indicate we trust our pets more than we trust other people. What’s that say about the human race?
Pictures of somebody drinking. How simple do you have to be to post a shot of some slack-jawed, black T-shirt wearing, knuckle-dragging goon holding a beer in front of his boat? That sends a great message.
That and so many other Facebook images show us how much we like to celebrate our own stupidity.
Selfies. How egotistical, narcissistic and self-aggrandizing. Too bad our physical design doesn’t allow us to kiss our own butts. (at least most can’t, they’re too busy kissing others)
Political opinions. Did you actually think that your rants on Mr. Harper are going  to change anybody’s mind? If you want political change start by getting involved. Try voting. Oh, you say smugly, I don’t vote, it only encourages the bastards? Wake up. The only thing it takes for bad politicians to succeed is for constituents to do nothing.
Just a few highlights in a sea of desperation. So, if validation of your sorry existence depends on the number of “Likes” you receive… get a significant life!
Yours in cyber sarcasm,
Ms. Anne Throap
Ms. Anne Throap will be writing about various topics for The Revelstoke Current in the coming months.