A few glorious insults you may enjoy

My friend Garry Pendergast enjoys the humourous use of language and, thus, was quite pleased to receive this particular missive being circulated by e-mail.

The Current hopes you’ll find these as amusing as we did:

These glorious  insults are from an era before the English language was boiled down to four-letter words.

The exchange between Sir Winston Churchill and Lady Astor:

She  said, “If you were my  husband I’d poison your tea.”

He said,  “If you were my  wife, I’d drink it.”

A member of  Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the  gallows or of some unspeakable  disease.”

“That depends, Sir,”  said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your  mistress.”

“He had  delusions of  adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the   virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Sir Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a  man, but I have  read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence  Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word  that might send a reader to the  dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about  Ernest Hemingway). 

“Thank you for  sending me a copy of  your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses  Hadas

“I didn’t attend the  funeral, but I sent a  nice letter saying I approved of it.” –  Mark  Twain

“He has no  enemies, but is intensely  disliked by his friends..” – Oscar  Wilde

“I am enclosing  two  tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a  friend.. if you  have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Sir Winston Churchill

Churchill in response

“Cannot possibly  attend first night, will  attend second… if there is one.”

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s  almost like having you here.” –  Stephen  Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships  his creator.” – John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a  spine to run up.” – Paul Keating 

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did  to him.” – Forrest Tucker 

“Why do you sit there   looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark   Twain

“His mother should have thrown him  away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they  go.” – Oscar Wilde 

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts…  for support  rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy  Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx