The Great Bendini’s Top 10 Predictions for Revelstoke in 2011

The Great Bendinni BSc, FI, MBA

Again the Great Bednini finds himself on the horns of a dilemma.

Should he turn pro or continue in his amateur status as a psychic, soothsayer and see-all?

Moving to professional would easily line the Great’s pockets with loads of filthy lucre because there appears to be no shortage of gullible punters. Sales for magic bracelets, sure-fire diet plans and get-rich-quick- with-the-internet, schemes show no signs of collapsing and look at the interest in 3-D TV.

Hmmmmm.  Seems Bendini has convinced himself to remain an unpaid practitioner of predictions, proud in the fact that not one of his prognostications has proven positive… yet!  So, in an effort to remain pure of soul and conviction (legal and moral) Bendini offers these insights into the future.

10. In an enlightened moment of clarity Revelstokians will vote to keep the HST. It will be perceived that the blended tax will serve to keep any other large commercial developments from locating here and in similar B.C. municipalities thus retaining our small town charm.

9.  A great visionary will come from out of the east and convince the Vernon assessment office to cut everyone’s assessment in half and he/she will push city hall to double services. Why not! Such a scheme worked for George Bush.

8.  The prison that is trying desperately to find a home in the Okanagan will finally locate in Mica. Upon sentencing most convicts will blurt out, “Where???” The judge will reply, “Exactly !”

7.  Four more gravel pits will be located upwind of the town giving a whole new meaning to being stoned in the ‘stoke.

6.  The mayor of Revelstoke’s reputation as a purveyor of putrid puns will grow exponentially when he declares Revy’ a totally smoke free zone, “Kicking butts, exorcising coughen nails and discouraging young puffers from becoming nicoteens.”

5.  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will purchase a multi-million dollar chalet at Revelstoke Mountain Resort… OK, it’s a rumour but will take only 15 minutes from publication to be told back to its author. (Aside: RMR is not an acronym for Revelstoke Means Rumours.)

4. Two new traffic circles will be installed, one at each end of Victoria Rd., leading drivers to wonder if they’re coming or going as they are trapped in a Möbius loop and sentenced to an eternity of train spotting and waving to aging railway engineers.

3.  B.C. Hydro will commission the sixth penstock at the Revelstoke Dam to drive another new generator but the increased demand for water flow will drain Lake Revelstoke offering escaped convicts from Mica another foot path to town.

2. A study will be commissioned, with generous grants from Victoria and Ottawa, on why courier truck drives and retired comptrollers wear shorts, in public, in the dead of winter. It will be titled, The Year ‘Round Exposure of Knees, Nice or Neurotic.

1. Revelstoke will finally get a new water tank/reservoir at no cost to taxpayers. How, you might ask?  The new facility for potable sky juice will be cost neutral and also become a water slide, wave pool and Wet World Amusement Park. This will lead to the strictest  NO PEEING IN THE POOL  legislation in Canada.

I wish you a happy and not too predictable  2011 and remind you that Bendini only deals with the ahead. He never comments on the past. There’s no future in it.

The Great Bendini is, well, you-know-who