Once again yours truly has been pressed into service to try and make sense of the “interesting times” in which we live and attempt to provide you with, at least, a modicum of certainty about expectations for 2010.
I remain proud of my amateur status as a clairvoyant medium (certainly not well done) and necromancer, meaning, not one of last year’s predictions came true. Yes, a shock to me as well but it does maintain my perfect record and keeps the Amazing Randy from holding my feet to the fire in a full scale truth test.
Enough about my irreproachable credentials and on to the predictions.
- Revelstoke’s No. 1 newsmaker, Revelstoke Mountain Resort, will change hands again and be bought up by British billionaire Richard Branson who will construct the world’s largest ski jump at the bottom of it’s amazingly steep and unique 6,200 ft. (1,700+ metres) vertical terrain to provide economy flights for those who want a cheap trek into outer space; re-entry parachute extra.
- Growth at an accelerated pace will continue in Revelstoke (Oh, I better be careful. That one might come true). Traffic circles will be built, if we have enough traffic to circle, water meters will be installed but only after the City gets a grant from BC Gaming (don’t hold your breath on that one) and Arrow Heights will get City sewer hooks up… after the local Community Advisory Committee wins Super 7, twice.
- Dennis the Hot Dog Man will reprise his roll as Revelstoke’s premier, mobile, tube steak vendor, good will ambassador, tourism promoter and visitor information centre. Again, the bellowing of “Hot dog!” and “Smokies!” will shatter the windows of Mackenzie and First. However, Denny’s triumphant return will be cut short when a pretzel hawker from Ontario scoops up all the available street vending permits.
- The problem of affordable housing, real or perceived, will finally be solved when Greyhound donates all the buses they’ve cut back to housing societies which will turn them into modest RVs at half the cost of stick-built houses. This gives the owner the option of selling at a controlled price or simply driving away.
- Revelstoke will finally get a new ambulance station, donated by Walmart. What could that mean? Even The Great Bendinni is sometimes baffled by his own visions.
- Australian will become Revelstoke’s official second language. Welcome, mate.
- The new Centre for Learning will be built as part of the new school complex which will include a theatre where the first live performance will be Tommy, the rock opera. Auditions for the Acid Queen are already being held and Council is being considered to supply the deaf, dumb and blind boy.
- The provincial government, in its wisdom and in its best cost-cutting measure will replace the decaying Big Eddy Bridge with a giant trebuchet.
- This nascent (editor’s word, not mine) journal, The Revelstoke Current, will triple its circulation but only after its publisher and owner makes another card-burning video, this time of his membership in the Actor’s Guild.
- And, following the implementation of our anti-idling bylaw and investigation into the use of water meters the North Columbia Environment Society will suggest the use of flatulence meters since increasing volumes of methane are one of the major contributors to climate change. Methods of implementation being investigated include the striking of an anti-cabbage by-law.
Thus sayeth The Great Bendinni. Have a great 2010!
The Great Bendini BSc, FI, MBA is a well-known local pscho, ah, psychic, and City Councillor. Those impressive looking letters after his name actually stand for BS conveyer, Full of It and Master of Bogus Anecdotes. Who knew?